Wednesday, April 3, 2013

THAT WAS THE WEAKEST HOUR




So many times in this lengthy life we encounter situations that tend to teach us something, a lesson via a bitter experience, a new emotion, a much better understanding of the world and even confuse us in the puzzles of the world.

To describe our bit of feelings, experiences and emotions, many great philosophers have written so much. They somehow conform to our standards of belief. Sometimes even I feel so.

People say we understand the value of people only after they’re gone… some say that pain is obligatory in the living… but like all other philosophical quotes I know these too. They feel like just words… a new word always seems inspiring but the same goes dull after a while.

Pain is obligatory in the living!!!!… But worth feeling for me are those painful events. The weakest hours we’ve been struggling through our life. My weakest hour... when I heard that I’ve lost my mother a minute ago and I didn’t know what to believe and how to react, what would make my beautiful world normal again?? My weakest hour was realizing that I was never getting her back.

My weakest hour was when for the first time I looked at people’s faces with my dewy eyes and I felt like being handicapped, as if I’m living with a major deficiency now that could not be fulfilled. So many times it just made me run away from there. My weakest hour was when I forced myself to say “I’m fine” with a smile.

 When for the first time I was giving my board exams and my mom wasn't by my side to wish me good luck. Everyone’s mother was there, but I was standing there looking at those shiny faces, filled with confidence, love, and so many wishes.  It was the first time ever I felt really bad, jealous too… standing at the examination center alone with just a pen in my hand and nothing else. Yes!! It was my weakest hour when I realized that may be I have to stand like this for the rest of my life.

When one day a teacher offered me her lunch saying “Because you have no food, you can have my left over lunch”.. that was the weakest hour when I had this urge to cover the loss of my mom… my weakest hour when I replied ‘NO! I have enough money to buy for myself a nice expensive lunch”.

Standing alone in my balcony watching the beautiful sky filled with stars and a lonely moon… the night replaced with the day light, empty balcony replaced with an aura filled with different people trying to be friends with you.. but my weakest hour was realizing no matter if its day or night, you must make yourself comfortable with your own company and seek none else to fill it.

In this world of articulation, faking emotions is relatively very easy. But every one starts from somewhere. That starting moment when I had to force a fake smile was a hard time for me. Because somewhere I had to buck up my soul saying “Yess! When others can fake it, I can fake it too.”… and yes today after so many weakest hours I know that when people can fake faces for poker, I can fake mine for life, family and friends.

I heard somewhere that failing is not a big deal, what matters is how you finish at the end… With strength or in a miserable condition???? And a part of this I realized with my bitter experience of losing my mom. I realized that everyone I meet is not gonna stay forever and it made me little stronger. I realized that I can hide my sorrows with makeup and a poker face, yet laugh heartily without feeling pain. I realized no matter how deficient you are, you always get something to inspire you through your way.

A bitter event and my weakest hour, somehow led me where I stand today, with so much strength, attitude, confidence, ever ready to walk another mile with a smile.. yet!! I could never get rid of my weakest hour.