|Dr. PRERNA SINGLA|
Sometimes prayers are answered in a strange way especially the wishes we make when we’re utterly frustrated from life. I’ve seen many people shout in anger: “oh god!! Death is better than this painful life”… However I could never relate why are people so pessimistic because whatever life brought my way I always kept a “Never Say Die” attitude yet I always wondered how people could want death more than life. Is it that sweet???
But there was one such day. One such day that unfolded the mystery of “death”.
My days were going like a Cinderella story with me being the modern Cinderella. The only difference between her & me was that she couldn’t fight for herself & I was trying to fight for my freedom. No Wait!! There was one more difference. Her story ended with a prince charming & my story had something else written.
Like daily chores, “tiff” was a routine in our house. An everyday tiff is like a chronic mental failure but that day 25th aug 1998 it became much more than that. Today’s tiff was very frustrating. I couldn’t hear anymore so I decided to leave the place for a while. I grabbed my keys and left the home saying “If I’m the biggest problem of your life Dad then I wish I was better dead”.. and BANG! I shut the door close.
My face was red and tears were flowing and flowing. My family didn’t understand me. None understands me. I didn’t know where I was going. I was just driving. But before my mind could start concentrating on the road I was hit by a red truck... A big red truck! And before I could react the car was off balance, window panes broken into pieces, some even pierced my flesh tearing it off and I found myself pinned to the seat unable to move, in a state of trance.
My body was aching as if a continuous jolt of pain was pulsing through my nerves. But I could still listen, still feel. I tried to open my eyes, get up but I don’t know why I couldn’t move. Couldn’t open my eyes, couldn’t speak. I felt like my blood was on fire and I couldn’t do a thing to alleviate all that pain and suffering. Just then I heard some voice in the background: “hey!! Can you hear me??.. I can feel the pulse, she’s still alive, and lets take her to the hospital.”
I’ve always wanted to sleep for more than 12 hrs. a day. But whenever I did so, I felt heady. Just like some hangover. But this time it was a strange experience. I donno after how much time but yes I could hear the voices again, smell and feel. A continuously playing music to my ears was the “Beep.. Beep.. Beep” sounds rhythmic with my heart. The typical chemical smell assured that I was in some hospital. My body felt bound at several places. Pain was killing me on the inside & I still couldn’t move.
And then I heard a female voice saying: “we’re not sure if she can survive. She’s lost a lot of blood & her body is not responding to anything. We’re trying our best. You can see the patient if you want.”
“Who’s she talking about?” I wondered and just then I heard a familiar voice, felt a familiar touch. It was my dad’s voice. All my pains disappeared for a nano-second. I could make out he was crying by the tear drops that were falling on my hand and the way his voice was- heavy, weary and painful.
He said: “my dear child! Wake up. Look! Daddy is here to take his princess home. Won’t you hug me?? Won’t you talk to me?? Wake up dear one. I promise I’ll never scold you again. I love you so much. I can’t afford to lose you baby.”
OHH! It tore me from the inside out. I was crying like a little baby. But he couldn’t hear my cries. I tried to open my eyes to see my dad, tried to lift my wounded arm and show it to my dad, crying at the top of my lungs and saying: “look dad! I’m hurt and it pains a hell lot. Take me home dad. Take me home with you. Please dad! Do something. I can’t move. I’m in pain… “ .. But no one could hear me. I was in that hospital bed, lifeless, struggling for a few moments of life.
Suddenly the aura got noisy. People were suddenly running. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Something was suddenly choking me. I felt as if someone was pulling me into some dark pit and I couldn’t pull back. I tried to shout out: “Dad!! Take my hand, pull me out.. Pull me out of this darkness, its pulling me deep.. Dad I’m scared… Dad!! Dad!! Do something.”... But no one could hear me again.
I was falling and falling. Something was cutting off my sensory connections with the world. Noises were fading and life was being sucked out of me. The last thing I heard was the changing “beep” into a long “Beeeeeeeeeee……” and with that I lost all senses I was left with. It was the strangest place to be. A darkness that had no escape, no edge to hold, no path to start with, no door to be opened.
This was the state of permanent trance I was stuck into. I was trying to work my mind but there was nothing except for the flashes of my past memory. Visions of my family, my friends, way they teased me, way they loved me,. Those hangouts, the celebrations with family n friends... those beautiful moments, those laughs, even the people who hated me... those angry eyes, jealousy… everything. Were they missing me right now?? Does anyone remember me? Do they know I’m stuck here? Where are these people?? Or are they just the visions of my mind??
The cassette of my life was either on “pause” or on a “stop”, but finally it let me realize that I don’t wish to dwell here. I don’t wish to be stuck in this horrible state of trance. I want to go back. Yes!! Go back and live.
The moment I wished that, a sudden jolt struck me as if some electric jolt was being passed through me. First jolt! And I regained some senses back. A 2nd jolt! And the incoming signal of the real world got better. The third jolt! And I got back the “beep.. beep.. beep” music. I could feel, hear people talk. They were happy noises. They were congratulating each other. Yesssss!!! I was back. They pulled me back. … Thank God!! This time I knew I was alive & I knew soon I’ll be back on track.